Happy Belated Birthday/Poked and Prodded

We are bad parents! We got so caught up with this adoption, we forgot to blog about JT's third birthday. His birthday was May 11th. We had his party on May 8th. I had planned on putting pools in the yard, as we have done the last 2 years and just having the kids play in them all day. Well, it was so windy that day, I couldn't even decorate the tables. It was sort of warm but so so windy. Of course the kids didn't care. I had found a turtle about an hour before the party, so he joined in the fun. I gave little "reptile show" and taught the kids about reptiles and turtles, then we let him go in the woods. We played Pin The Tail On The Donkey, which they really liked. Overall, they really enjoyed just kicking the balls in the yard.

We always celebrate with a Carvel cake. It has been a tradition in my family for over 25 years. JT loves them as well. We sang Happy Birthday and JT ended the song with a lot of clapping and saying he wanted us to sing more. So we did, about 10 times more! And that continued for several days after party as well. He would get out the candles, tell us to light them and wanted us to sing to him.

JT had a great time with his family and friends. He thanks them all for coming.

On the adoption front....

I went today and got 4 shots for our upcoming travels. My arms are both a little sore. Kevin goes tomorrow and we both go next Monday for Yellow Fever. Kevin went to the Ethiopian Embassy today to apply for our Visa's. He picks them up tomorrow. Kevin spoke to the social worker and she said to most likely plan on a July travel date but it could possibly be June! When I heard that I said, "But it's June now!" We were told we will get 2-3 weeks notice. So we just continue to wait for that phone call. We have gotten really good at this waiting thing! That's all for now.

We Got "The Call"

It only took 2 years, 3 months and a few days!

Thursday night was a night we never want to relive. We are suppose to be in Rochester, NY right now, but with some mishaps due to United workers who can't do their job, we never made it. Yesterday (Friday) I was exhausted. Our neighbor Lisa was home from work and we went out to do some some shopping. On our way home, as Kevin and JT were sleeping, my cell phone rang. It only rang once and I missed the call. I decided to call back for some reason. I don't usually do that. It was Wide Horizons! Erin (our social worker answered and I didn't even let her talk. I just said, "So, did we get our referral?" She said, "Congratulations, you have a boy!" So she told me that we have a 10 month old son whose birthday is July 19. She gave us his family background (of what information she had, which is not much) And she told me about what paper work she was going to send us. Meanwhile Lisa is trying to figure out what is going on. I called Nicole and told her to meet us for dinner. (I was very nonchalant)

When Lisa and I got home we went right to the computer, pulled up the pictures and printed out all the papers. Kevin who just woke up came tumbling down the stairs and all I said was, "We got our kid!" He looked surprised and took the pictures. He said he couldn't believe how healthy he looked. He had the perception that he would look like those emaciated kids you see on TV asking for donations. There were no tears in usually Erin fashion.

I called my cousin Andrea. I tried to call my sister but she wouldn't answer. We met Nicole and her family for dinner and showed them the packet we received. Later that night my sister and both our parents got to see pictures. We can email pictures but they can not be on the Internet.

We have a doctors appointment on Monday to look over all the medical reports and information. If everything looks good, we send in our acceptance letter, a big check and then we wait for a court date. We should be traveling sometime in July for the first trip. If we can get there in July for our court date, then we can go get him in August/September. If we can not get a court date in July, the courts close for 2 months for the rainy season and then we would have to wait until October. Well, I refuse to let that happen! Last year anyone who got a referral before June, traveled before the courts closed.

We told JT he had a brother. He said, "No." We told him the baby will sleep in the baby's room. He said, "NO." Needless to say we were off to a great start! Before bed we showed him the picture again and he said, "Brother." I told him again he would sleep in the baby's room and JT got out of his bed, took the picture and put it in the crib!

Once we accept the referral, will give you his name! That's all for now!

A Helping Hand

Many people who adopt get financial help through their church or ask for donations. We would never ask for donations to help pay for our adoption. After reading numerous blogs and seeing what others have done, we decided we could provide our child's orphanage with a monetary gift. That is really what they need.

It's customary for adopting parents to provide the orphanage with a gift. When we go on our two trips, we will be bringing with us many items that the orphanage is in high need of. We would also love to provide them with a monetary donation.

$5 to us is nothing. But to someone living in Ethiopia this means a new life. People there live off of less than $1 a day. It only costs $17 to vaccinate a single child against six major diseases: polio, diphtheria, whooping cough, tetanus, tuberculosis and measles. $5 would buy a child a new pair of shoes, a uniform for school, grain for a whole family or medicine for a child. The best schools cost ($50) per month. To go to a normal school instead costs about ($5) per month. 89% of Ethiopia does not have clean drinking water. There is fresh water underground in most of the villages. They need money to help build wells. $75 provides safe water, sanitation, and hygiene education for one child in Ethiopia for life.

So, as you can see $5 can go a long way in Ethiopia. We would like for all of our friends and family to help out our child's (to be) country.

If you would like to join in, we have created a donation button at the top of the page. Please donate as little or as much as you can. Please click on the button at the top of the page to complete the transaction. You're welcome to use your own PayPal account for funding or a credit card.

Thanks for your support!

Still Waiting- "Yes, We Still Want A Boy"

We have been very frustrated with how long we have been waiting. The time frame given to us was 12-18 months. We are now going on 19 months. After reading so many other blogs from other people who are with other agencies, we have been seeing people get referrals who have been waiting much less time than us. Below is a letter from us to our social worker (whose name is also Erin) from our agency. It answered a lot of questions for us. We are still annoyed but at least we understand how everything works. So here are the answers to not just some of our questions but to those who keep asking us what is going on. Our letter is in black and she responded to each section which is in blue.

Erin,

We listened to the recorded message tonight and hope you can answer a question for us regarding the wait time for a referral.

This is similar to a question Erin posed in an email recently but I need to get a better understanding. We have friends who have adopted from other countries, so we know how some countries government's handle referrals. According to them, in China, for example, no matter what agency you are with they know the "log in" date of the dossier and whomever is next in line gets the referral. It doesn't matter who they used as an agency.

When we have a log in date that was almost one year before someone else and they already have a referral (for the same request) can we then assume Ethiopia doesn't do it this way? Yes, Ethiopia doesn't work this way at all. Adoption agencies generally work with several orphanages in Ethiopia. Orphanages in turn partner with many U.S. agencies as well as European agencies. Each adoption agency has their own process, wait list, etc. In countries like China everything is very regulated- Ethiopia works in a very different way.

Wide Horizons is a big agency and has a large Ethiopian program. Because of that, is that why we are waiting so much longer than other agencies who don't have a as many people waiting? Yes, that is probably part of the reason. Our wait times fluctuate throughout families process a bit- I know that right now you are waiting on the extreme long end of our time-frame. If there are more families on our wait list for a specific request- that time frame is the longest-because simply there are just more families waiting.

Is it safe to say that if you choose an agency who is smaller and have less people waiting you will get a faster referral? (Of course, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense.) It may. If another agency has only a handful of people requesting an infant boy- than it does mean you are likely to wait less time on their list than ours. Each agency has different wait times. Some may be smaller agencies (meaning have a smaller program with less families waiting) and some may be new to working with Ethiopia- and after 6/7 years of experience (like WHFC) their programs are likely to grow.

If that is the case, why is the government choosing their agency to give the referral to and not Wide Horizons? We had our dossier completed almost a year before some other people we're following on blogs. These other agencies are also well known and well accredited, so that is not an issue. But the fact is they are receiving referrals after 9-10 months and yet we are going on 19 months and still no word. The government is not choosing to give the referral to the other agency- the referrals come from the orphanages. We are currently working with 3 orphanages and Dr. Tsegaye is always working to find other orphanages for WHFC to partner with. Of course ethical concerns and agreements of how we work and what we expect as far as care of children, communication, etc. have to be addressed before we partner with an orphanage.

We are alright with waiting if that is how long it takes for everyone but obviously that is not the case if we have been waiting almost double the time than others who have received referrals. We know how great the agency is, but again we would like to know what the process is for the government when they are giving referrals to agencies and why some are chosen over others. Again, I understand your frustration but the referrals are not being given by the government. I am sure as you researched agencies to work with you found that some had different wait times projected for how long you are likely to wait until referral based on your request. Agencies don't have control over how long the wait may get for families, and the wait times tend to fluctuate during a family's process. For instance, another large, reputable agency is no longer accepting applications for infants because their wait exceeded 2 years for a referral.

I know this has been a very long process for your family, and that you have waited a very long time for a referral! I am sorry that you are one of the first families to experience waiting longer than 18 mos. You are very close to getting a referral! Do you want to consider opening up your request to either gender? I only say this because if the next few infants that are matched with WHFC are infant girls- you will be skipped over on the list- because your request is for a boy 0-12 mos. Of course you may feel very strongly that you would like a boy- and that's ok too! Please let me know if you would like to talk about this further.

Best,

Erin

Thank you for your time.

Kevin and Erin


We did respond to her and told her that yes, we still want our boy! So, we continue to wait. We should be getting some good news very soon. ( We feel like we have been saying that for a long time) Hopefully the next time we write we will be telling everyone we have a referral!

The Circus- Again

We headed to Ringling Brothers again this year, not once but twice. Since Kevin seems to know all the right people, we got free tickets to the Verizon Center and the Patriot Center. We took Gavin with us to the Verizon Center. This was JT's first time of "inviting" a friend to an event. It was also Gavin's first time going without his parents or with a family member to an event. He did great and loved the circus. JT cried at the beginning when they shot fireworks. He is having an issue with fire lately. We brought him to a Japanese restaurant (where they cook in front of you) and he talked about the fire place the whole time and said he didn't like fire. Strange, since Kevin and I are and were both pyromaniacs. After the first cry which didn't last long, he loved the elephants and tigers. We had a lovely, clean, lunch on the floor of the Verizon Center. On the way home Gavin and JT discussed what they liked best about the circus.
The next week headed to the Patriot Center. Same circus. The Harrison family joined as well. Jack enjoyed the circus this year and didn't need his ears filled with napkins like last year. The elephants were as cute as ever. My favorite. JT is still talking about the elephants and keeps saying Zing Zang Zoom. That was this years theme song. We look forward to going to the circus next year.

A Bump In The Road- Changes.....

The new news is this: as of last week, we now have to make the trek to Ethiopia 2 times! We will actually have to go appear before the court to state that we want to adopt our son and then leave him at the orphanage and return home. Then we can go back when we have an embassy date to actually bring him home.
The bad news is well, there goes another couple thousand dollars for travel and we have to leave our son in the orphanage after meeting him. The good news is we will get to meet our son sooner than we thought. We will be able to bring home lots of pictures and videos to show JT, which will make this whole process a little more real for him. We have not said anything to him about having a brother. The other good part is that our son will officially be an American Citizen when we bring him home and we will not have to re-adopt him after being back in the U.S.
We talked to our social worker the other day and she mentioned we should be getting our referral soon, whatever that means! We will keep you posted!

The "Little News"

After my last post we have a little bit news to share......
1) we should be getting our referral in the next month or two (the BIG NEWS)
2)with the referral comes medical and family history and 2 photos (the photos can not be posted over the Internet until we pass court because he is still in the custody of the Ethiopian government) so those who don't live near us will only get to see some fingers and toes.
3)we take the info to a doctor and we then send an acceptance to the referral. (that should only be a week or two turn around)
4)then comes another waiting game....the court date (they don't tell us when that is!)
5)the average waiting time to pass court is 4-5 months (that now puts us at July/August)
6)they will call us with the news that we passed court and we will then leave in 2-3weeks after that. (that will be a crazy time since you don't get much notice)
7)when you pass court he is officially OURS! (then we can post photos)

So, there is the news. Not the BIG NEWS but at least some little news. We have been waiting for some news for 2 years now. Yes, it has been two years since we have started this journey! Anyone wanting to adopt don't think it will ever happen fast. By the time we get our kid we will have been waiting 2 1/2 years!

Hopefully in the next month or so our BIG NEWS will come!

The New Year and Getting Annoyed

Happy 2010. I am not sure anyone is even reading this at this point. We have not been very good about updating. We had Thanksgiving and did the traditional family dinner and had our annual Thanksgiving Brunch. JT loved playing with his all his cousins and enjoyed the company.

JT enjoyed Hanukkah this year and actually enjoyed lighting the candles and opening his gifts. Every night I would ask if he wanted to open presents and he would say, "Light candles." One of his gifts arrived after Hanukkah ended and I gave him his present and he went in the cabinets looking for the menorah and said, "Light candles?" I told him we were not lighting anymore candles and he could could just open the gift. At least he isn't all about the gifts, yet!

We got 2 feet of snow at the end of December and we all loved our time playing in the snow, sledding and most importantly the time off of school! JT experienced his first time at making a gingerbread house.We spent a week in Rochester visiting Kevin's parents and Larry, Laura and the kids. JT had the best time playing with his cousins. I'm not sure Joyce loved all the noise as they ran circles around the house but the kids had a blast. We went sledding one day. Kevin managed to ride down a hill with JT in tow and run into the plastic fencing. Larry has some great video and the best is hearing JT screaming for dear life and Kevin in the mean time is laughing. we went to the Children's Museum. They have a Sesame Street section and that is of course where we spent most of our time. JT got to "talk" to the count and his favorite Elmo. He loves Elmo. He also got to practice passing out hot dogs and ice cream at the vendors with his Grandpa Warren. JT did a great job in the car both there and back. The dogs missed us and welcomed us home.

It is now back to the real world of working and being tired all the time. It has also been 15 months since we have been put on the waiting list for our child. The average "wait time" was 14-15 months. Now it is 15-16 months. So, needless to say we are still waiting but at this point we are getting really annoyed. Looking at the trends, it seems as though they have been getting less referrals than last year. We do not know why. Up until this point we were not really restless at all. JT keeps us busy and for so long, the "wait" seemed so far away. It seems as though the closer we get, the more annoyed we are getting about waiting. Just give us our kid!

Hopefully in the next month or so we will have some good news to share. Of course there are a lot of pictures from the last 3 months. Enjoy.

Happy Halloween

Halloween is one of our favorite holidays. We always decorate our house and love when the kids tell us that our house always is the scariest and looks the best! Kevin had his first Wizards game of the season so he missed out. I took JT out trick or treating with Justin, our neighbor, in tow. We didn't let the rain stop us. JT had the best time. He always said, "Trick or Treat" and waited patiently for his candy. He kept talking about how he was getting candy for his pumpkin. He doesn't really know what candy is but he knows what lollipops are! Luckily it wasn't towards the end that he saw a lollipop and asked me to open it. Seeing that is was Halloween, I let him have it. He actually sucked on it a few times and said he was, "All done." He wasn't afraid of any of the decoration and actually would go up to the skeletons in our yard and gave them hugs. I thought that was very nice of him! We got back home and we both handed out candy. He enjoyed helping. I put him to bed and after about 8:00pm we didn't have any other visitors. I think the rain kept people away. We had a great time.

Last week, we made a trip back to Cox Farms. We went with the Harrison family. JT and Gavin spent about an hour running up and going down the slide. They had a blast. JT saw his goat friends and when one was sleeping, JT very nicely told people to, "Shhh." We picked out pumpkins and carved one of the bigger ones. JT really didn't like carving the pumpkin, so I did it myself. Kevin reminded me that he never liked carving pumpkins either. I guess that job will left to me then.

JT has moved into his new "Big Boy" room and is sleeping on an air mattress. It is an animal safari room, filled with elephants, zebras and giraffes. He loves sit!

No new to report on the adoption process. Still waiting.......

Apple Picking

We continued our annual tradition of going apple picking with the Harrison family. It was a little rainy that day but that did not stop us from picking apples and eating the divine bread. JT and Gavin loved the bread as well. Gavin was very helpful as he would pull the branches down while he told JT to pick the apples. They were a great team. Jack joined along and practiced his walking skills that he has now mastered.
We threw apples at the pigs and luckily I came home with all ten fingers. I wanted to try to pet the pigs but there was a big mean one who wanted to take my hand off. Nicole begged for me to pet him and when I would try the pig would snort and try to attack. I was unsuccessful but maybe next year. Another fun day with the family!

Adoption Update: We are going on Thursday to redo our fingerprints. That's about it. Hopefully in the next few months we will have some exciting news to share.