Still Waiting- "Yes, We Still Want A Boy"

We have been very frustrated with how long we have been waiting. The time frame given to us was 12-18 months. We are now going on 19 months. After reading so many other blogs from other people who are with other agencies, we have been seeing people get referrals who have been waiting much less time than us. Below is a letter from us to our social worker (whose name is also Erin) from our agency. It answered a lot of questions for us. We are still annoyed but at least we understand how everything works. So here are the answers to not just some of our questions but to those who keep asking us what is going on. Our letter is in black and she responded to each section which is in blue.

Erin,

We listened to the recorded message tonight and hope you can answer a question for us regarding the wait time for a referral.

This is similar to a question Erin posed in an email recently but I need to get a better understanding. We have friends who have adopted from other countries, so we know how some countries government's handle referrals. According to them, in China, for example, no matter what agency you are with they know the "log in" date of the dossier and whomever is next in line gets the referral. It doesn't matter who they used as an agency.

When we have a log in date that was almost one year before someone else and they already have a referral (for the same request) can we then assume Ethiopia doesn't do it this way? Yes, Ethiopia doesn't work this way at all. Adoption agencies generally work with several orphanages in Ethiopia. Orphanages in turn partner with many U.S. agencies as well as European agencies. Each adoption agency has their own process, wait list, etc. In countries like China everything is very regulated- Ethiopia works in a very different way.

Wide Horizons is a big agency and has a large Ethiopian program. Because of that, is that why we are waiting so much longer than other agencies who don't have a as many people waiting? Yes, that is probably part of the reason. Our wait times fluctuate throughout families process a bit- I know that right now you are waiting on the extreme long end of our time-frame. If there are more families on our wait list for a specific request- that time frame is the longest-because simply there are just more families waiting.

Is it safe to say that if you choose an agency who is smaller and have less people waiting you will get a faster referral? (Of course, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense.) It may. If another agency has only a handful of people requesting an infant boy- than it does mean you are likely to wait less time on their list than ours. Each agency has different wait times. Some may be smaller agencies (meaning have a smaller program with less families waiting) and some may be new to working with Ethiopia- and after 6/7 years of experience (like WHFC) their programs are likely to grow.

If that is the case, why is the government choosing their agency to give the referral to and not Wide Horizons? We had our dossier completed almost a year before some other people we're following on blogs. These other agencies are also well known and well accredited, so that is not an issue. But the fact is they are receiving referrals after 9-10 months and yet we are going on 19 months and still no word. The government is not choosing to give the referral to the other agency- the referrals come from the orphanages. We are currently working with 3 orphanages and Dr. Tsegaye is always working to find other orphanages for WHFC to partner with. Of course ethical concerns and agreements of how we work and what we expect as far as care of children, communication, etc. have to be addressed before we partner with an orphanage.

We are alright with waiting if that is how long it takes for everyone but obviously that is not the case if we have been waiting almost double the time than others who have received referrals. We know how great the agency is, but again we would like to know what the process is for the government when they are giving referrals to agencies and why some are chosen over others. Again, I understand your frustration but the referrals are not being given by the government. I am sure as you researched agencies to work with you found that some had different wait times projected for how long you are likely to wait until referral based on your request. Agencies don't have control over how long the wait may get for families, and the wait times tend to fluctuate during a family's process. For instance, another large, reputable agency is no longer accepting applications for infants because their wait exceeded 2 years for a referral.

I know this has been a very long process for your family, and that you have waited a very long time for a referral! I am sorry that you are one of the first families to experience waiting longer than 18 mos. You are very close to getting a referral! Do you want to consider opening up your request to either gender? I only say this because if the next few infants that are matched with WHFC are infant girls- you will be skipped over on the list- because your request is for a boy 0-12 mos. Of course you may feel very strongly that you would like a boy- and that's ok too! Please let me know if you would like to talk about this further.

Best,

Erin

Thank you for your time.

Kevin and Erin


We did respond to her and told her that yes, we still want our boy! So, we continue to wait. We should be getting some good news very soon. ( We feel like we have been saying that for a long time) Hopefully the next time we write we will be telling everyone we have a referral!